Struggling tonight

Mum,
 
    I am struggling again tonight, it still seems so unreal that I am never gonna see or speak to you again. I miss our nightly phonecalls, putting the world to rights and having a right laugh.

    I am trying to put a brave face on more often now as I find it easier to do so than talk about it. The moment I say 'I miss Mum' it hits me like a thousand knives and the tears start rolling.

   Why did you have to leave me so soon, I still don't quite understand how the tables turned so quickly, you were so sure that you were coming home and it all changed so fast.

   Thank you for all the wonderful memories and making me the person I am today, I just wish I had a longer time with you and for Missy to know you more. It is so de javu that she had to lose you so early on just like me and I feel it is so unfair for the both of you.

   Missing you always.
         Tick Tock
            X  X  X

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mum, It's been a while but it didn't seem to help at at all, It felt silly in a way but I have really been missing you lately. I don't want to believe it, and neither does my mind. You have missed so much Mum, mine and Missy's birthday and her first day of school, she looked so grown up. She now has to wear a shirt and tie and she just looks so smart. L did good on my birthday, he got me some lovely gifts and even went for a meal with Dad too. Strange I know. Was odd you not being there in person. Lilly had a great day too, we took her swimming because that is what she wanted to do. She loved it, she splashed, danced and generally had fun. I now have a wonderful 5 year old daughter who should be growing up around you. We all miss you so so much Mum. I don't want you to be gone, I want and need you here with me. Love you so much.    Tick Tock xxx
Read more
To Mum, I know it's been a while but life is so busy lately and sometimes I find it so hard to tell you things this way rather than telling you in person. I wish many times that I could just pick up the phone and tell you things. Well here it is anyway, Missy lost her first tooth today, it was so wobbly last night but wouldn't quite let go, well today she asked me to try and it didn't need a lot at all to take it out. I am so exited for her, we have little envelopes and a certificate for her. We also got a cat, we picked this beautiful little black kitten, and Missy named him Jack, you would have loved him. Miss you more than ever Love Tik Tok
Read more

Replaying in my head.

Mum,     I don't quite know what to do with myself. All I keep doing is replaying the day that you passed away. I can't help but feel guilt because I never got to make that last phone call.     I literally keep going through everything that happened between 10 and 1 that day, keep thinking about speaking to Dad, waiting for L and panicking like mad. It all seems so sureal and feel so confused and lost about the whole thing.    Stepping into the hospital and getting closer to the ward was so difficult knowing you were already gone. With every step I felt sick and I didn't want to go into the room at first. You looked so peaceful, so rested but I was, and still am, heartbroken.    They made us all a cup of tea, mine was too milky so I just sat and held it with one hand, the other holding yours. Just sitting and talking to you. Leaving was the hardest part, knowing that I wouldn't step on to the ward again to hear you moan about phisio or the noisy patient across t
Read more