Replaying in my head.
Mum,
I don't quite know what to do with myself. All I keep doing is replaying the day that you passed away. I can't help but feel guilt because I never got to make that last phone call.
I literally keep going through everything that happened between 10 and 1 that day, keep thinking about speaking to Dad, waiting for L and panicking like mad. It all seems so sureal and feel so confused and lost about the whole thing.
Stepping into the hospital and getting closer to the ward was so difficult knowing you were already gone. With every step I felt sick and I didn't want to go into the room at first. You looked so peaceful, so rested but I was, and still am, heartbroken.
They made us all a cup of tea, mine was too milky so I just sat and held it with one hand, the other holding yours. Just sitting and talking to you. Leaving was the hardest part, knowing that I wouldn't step on to the ward again to hear you moan about phisio or the noisy patient across the ward.
I will treasure the last nine weeks that we got to spend with you, even if it had to be with you in hospital. It meant that we got to tell you how much you meant to us. It rebuilt bridges and it made us realise how fragile you really were, you always put on a brave face. Thank you for fighting.
Love you Mum
Tick Tock x
I don't quite know what to do with myself. All I keep doing is replaying the day that you passed away. I can't help but feel guilt because I never got to make that last phone call.
I literally keep going through everything that happened between 10 and 1 that day, keep thinking about speaking to Dad, waiting for L and panicking like mad. It all seems so sureal and feel so confused and lost about the whole thing.
Stepping into the hospital and getting closer to the ward was so difficult knowing you were already gone. With every step I felt sick and I didn't want to go into the room at first. You looked so peaceful, so rested but I was, and still am, heartbroken.
They made us all a cup of tea, mine was too milky so I just sat and held it with one hand, the other holding yours. Just sitting and talking to you. Leaving was the hardest part, knowing that I wouldn't step on to the ward again to hear you moan about phisio or the noisy patient across the ward.
I will treasure the last nine weeks that we got to spend with you, even if it had to be with you in hospital. It meant that we got to tell you how much you meant to us. It rebuilt bridges and it made us realise how fragile you really were, you always put on a brave face. Thank you for fighting.
Love you Mum
Tick Tock x
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