Can't stop thinking

Mum, 

    Hi mum, I know it's been a while but for a while it didn't help. I feel at such a loss right now and didn't really know where else to turn. I miss you more and more every day, and watching Missy grow before my eyes breaks my heart more knowing you'll never witness this.

     I have heard so many people say, just one more phonecall, one more conversation but NO, becuase I would never want it to end, I would need want to say goodbye again. I just wish I had told you how much you meant to me more, and how special you still are to all of us.

       Missy is doing well, she has been a bit of a pain today though and certainly pushed our buttons. L is still looking after me, making sure I eat, smile and take care of myself. Dad is doing OK, he misses you though.

       We are going to have a meal next week at CM to celebrate P birthday (belated), your life and wish Dad well in his surgery. He goes in on Thursday which scares the hell out of me, his Op is on Friday so fingers crossed.

   Love you and always will. My truly amazing Mum.

      Tick Tock x

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mum, It's been a while but it didn't seem to help at at all, It felt silly in a way but I have really been missing you lately. I don't want to believe it, and neither does my mind. You have missed so much Mum, mine and Missy's birthday and her first day of school, she looked so grown up. She now has to wear a shirt and tie and she just looks so smart. L did good on my birthday, he got me some lovely gifts and even went for a meal with Dad too. Strange I know. Was odd you not being there in person. Lilly had a great day too, we took her swimming because that is what she wanted to do. She loved it, she splashed, danced and generally had fun. I now have a wonderful 5 year old daughter who should be growing up around you. We all miss you so so much Mum. I don't want you to be gone, I want and need you here with me. Love you so much.    Tick Tock xxx
Read more
To Mum, I know it's been a while but life is so busy lately and sometimes I find it so hard to tell you things this way rather than telling you in person. I wish many times that I could just pick up the phone and tell you things. Well here it is anyway, Missy lost her first tooth today, it was so wobbly last night but wouldn't quite let go, well today she asked me to try and it didn't need a lot at all to take it out. I am so exited for her, we have little envelopes and a certificate for her. We also got a cat, we picked this beautiful little black kitten, and Missy named him Jack, you would have loved him. Miss you more than ever Love Tik Tok
Read more

Replaying in my head.

Mum,     I don't quite know what to do with myself. All I keep doing is replaying the day that you passed away. I can't help but feel guilt because I never got to make that last phone call.     I literally keep going through everything that happened between 10 and 1 that day, keep thinking about speaking to Dad, waiting for L and panicking like mad. It all seems so sureal and feel so confused and lost about the whole thing.    Stepping into the hospital and getting closer to the ward was so difficult knowing you were already gone. With every step I felt sick and I didn't want to go into the room at first. You looked so peaceful, so rested but I was, and still am, heartbroken.    They made us all a cup of tea, mine was too milky so I just sat and held it with one hand, the other holding yours. Just sitting and talking to you. Leaving was the hardest part, knowing that I wouldn't step on to the ward again to hear you moan about phisio or the noisy patient across t
Read more